Deja Vu

010407

Judy Austad noticed I wasn’t wearing my nametag. I was on my way to the bathroom and had stopped to speak with D. Weltman. I told Judy I did not need a nametag after today – I felt like everybody knew me. She said I should call myself “asshole.” I was stunned. I told her it was inappropriate and walked away.

In November, Donna and I were at the counter when she brought up the “white book,” Donna started laughing . . . and so did Judy! Why would that be funny to Judy?

010807

I feel like this is déjà vu and Donna is my new Mary Ann. She came in to my office, closed the door, and told me Colleen isn’t going to get the financial aid advisor job. She went so far as to allude that “Rosa” from EC had applied (though she emphasized Michael did not know) and that Clarissa from WC had applied. Then she really started lying. She said she was not going to advertise the position. She planned to pick an internal candidate like Clarissa. I knew this was a lie. I didn’t tell Colleen a thing and I’m encouraging her all the way. If Donna is going to sabotage her, she can do it without me. Personally, I think Colleen will do a much better job.

Donna also brought in “The One Minute Apology” today. She brought this out while I was sitting in her office. She was quite emphatic about the book. She asked me if I wanted to read it. I said, “Sure, why not? We’re all human and I know I make mistakes.” She looked surprised and then took the book back and said she had promised it to someone else but maybe next week.

(WHY IS THIS HAPPENING – MY THEORY)

I thought Donna and I had a great relationship. She confided in me frequently. She promised to help me move up (finally!) at PHCC. I thought I had her back and she had mine.

She kept telling me that she was advocating for me with Dr. Harres, Al James and others. She told me that she couldn’t promise me a position, but she thought I really had a chance now.

Then she would tell me about “upcoming” positions. These are positions that only Donna told me about so I don’t know if they were really being considered or not. For instance, even after Dr. Releford left, Donna said each campus might get a “head advisor” position which would be “perfect” for me. Then she said the college might get a “training advisor” who would do training for all advisors, but would not necessarily have any supervisory responsibilities. She said there was a “cyber advisor” position that was definitely going to happen and I would have to be one of the cyber advisors who would advise online each week. (I declined that one.)

I had been interested in why my high school students did so poorly and there was a lot of talk about a “Director of Retention” or a “Retention Coordinator.” This was very exciting to me. I heard about the mystery position for months. Donna said I would earn more money than her and it was “perfect” for me. She encouraged me to do some research and get ready for the position.

Then, she suddenly refused to talk about the position. One day, I learned that Irene Schauer was supposed to be working on a retention program at Spring Hill and wanted to borrow my research. I believe Donna or Jeanne asked me, but I’m not sure because both denied this. A week or so later, I believe Donna returned the book to me. Shortly after that, she told me to forget about the position. I wasn’t going to get it. She said that Dr. Johnson and Irene Schauer had talked and the position was designed for Irene. She said she was sorry.

I felt used, manipulated and angry. I had applied for several positions at PHCC over the years and worked long hours. Now I was working to help Irene get the job? No, this was not right. I had promised Donna not to tell anyone about the position. I kept my promise – I told no one. But I did write all about it in a blog that was date and time stamped. If I was just being sensitive, whatever I wrote would be proven wrong. However, if I was right, I had proof that could not be refuted. I decided to document what was occurring because I often felt these positions were fixed.

(For example, why was I REALLY denied an advisor position at another campus? At the time, despite outstanding evaluations, I was told it was because I didn’t know enough about financial aid. That was blatant discrimination to me and I was disgusted that it continued.)

I used to have a “Magic 8 Ball” in my office. It supposedly predicted the future. I created blog called “Who Needs a Magic 8 Ball?” where I listed what I had been told and what I guessed was happening behind the scenes of the people getting positions because the process seemed grossly unfair.

Well, when Donna kept denying Irene ever borrowed my research and when Jeanne denied she had ever seen it, I decided I must be ill. I took a leave of absence for several weeks.

One day during the Fall, Donna asked me if I needed a Magic 8 Ball. I said, “No, but I gave Dr. Harres my Yoda and it does virtually the same thing.” I had forgotten I had even written the blog. She persisted and I knew there must be a reason, but I had no idea. Within the same 10 minutes, she also said blogs could get people in a lot of trouble and that they were so dangerous. She talked about people losing their jobs over them. I was oblivious. It wasn’t until a few days later that I opened my old blogs and connected the dots.

I was furious. My blog was unsearchable. The only way in was with the exact URL which I had given to no one. Someone was spying on me.

I decided to play back. I began writing more and more blogs that were aimed at hurting her. I was ready to tell the world about how Irene was supposedly the favorite of high administrators for the position. If she got the job, the blog was there . . . with date and time stamps. Since I felt Donna was spying, I wanted to make sure she had something good to look at.

At times, I wasn’t really even sure Donna was reading it. Maybe it was my imagination? I didn’t know. I just knew that if she was, she deserved whatever jabs were in there. If she were not, well, I wasted a lot of time and that was fine with me, too.

010907

I am nervous because Donna appears so sweet. However, she has tangled with Debbie Bullard (and I should NOT know the details of that), Michael Malizia (same deal), etc. . . . . and maybe appearances are deceiving. I know she is really hurt and does not know how to talk to me. I’m really hurt, too.

Today was almost a disaster. Last week, Donna LIED about what Vicky was doing when she left work to go to her high school (s)! She said she wasn’t sure but she thought it had something to do with Lisa’s schedule. Donna also told me not to worry about the DE stuff until “next week.” I was trying to advise students because we were short an advisor (who was doing her DE registration job), but if I had stepped back, I would have realized this was at the least, very bad advice.

What was worse, when Vicky made her second trip and Donna told me it was something else for her kids, I found out she lied. I spoke to Vicky. Vicky told Donna she was going to her high school and Donna approved it.

Thankfully, Pat from CHS called..

Today, she was as mean as I have ever seen her. She only was like this when we were alone. She wouldn’t look at me, had a nasty tone and stared me down.

Here is my plan:

A. Just tell Stan everything . . . (if I can ever run into him!!!)
B. Never let her see me sweat . . .
C. Stand up to her every time . . .
D. Develop a plan “B”

Donna has been inappropriate in telling me too many things.
I’ve been nauseous all night about this.

(After writing this, I had difficulty sleeping. Mom tried to get me to sleep but I was too upset. I finally had to tell her what was going on.)

011007

When I walked in, I noticed that the 2 envelopes that were in my box last night were missing. Two manilla envelopes. Hmmm. Mary Ann used to take mail.

Last night I told Vicky about the tension between Donna and me. Today, Donna was sickeningly sweet.

She asked me if there were some problems between us. She made a bad joke . . . like, “Gee, I hope it was nothing like the white book.” I said no. I told her I was uncomfortable with what she told me about Colleen. I said Colleen and I were friends and she put me in a terrible position.

She said she wasn’t telling me anything she had not told Colleen already. She said Colleen absolutely knows she will not be considered for this position. She said Becky will not hire her because Colleen has made too many mistakes in the past. She said Colleen would be better off doing a job that is mostly advising with a little bit of financial aid. She said that is the position Stan is trying to get. She said she was deeply disturbed that Colleen did not understand her.

(This is a LIE. Stan said he is trying to get a financial aid position. I suspect Donna will attack Colleen based on her lack of academic advising knowledge. In fact, she said Colleen would be a better academic advisor than a financial aid advisor and she would like to see her get a job doing that (yeah right!). Then she said she wouldn’t give her David’s job because she needed to hire a minority – we have too many white women. She alluded strongly to David getting the job in Human Resources. She would have to wait for another position.)

I told her it was going to be terribly hard on Colleen to not get the job after doing all this over time. I asked her about Irene and the Adult Ed. position. She asked me if I had read the job description. Donna said Irene thought it was a horrible job, and even though Irene had done at least half the stuff on the description, she didn’t want to go over there. (In the past, I heard the job was made for Irene, then I heard Irene didn’t apply but was going to talk to Dr. Johnson about it . . . now this. I have no idea what happened there, though if she had seen the blog I wrote, she may have been afraid to apply.)

She also asked me for Colleen’s cell phone number. I thought that was odd, though I can’t figure out why.

She said I could outadvise anyone she knows. She must have said she trusted me 100% ad nauseum. Every time I went in her office, she said she was on an “emergency” call from Irene at Spring Hill and laughed.

So, I asked Colleen what Donna said. Colleen said she knew Becky was concerned because Denise had poisoned her name but Donna was trying to help her clear it. She wanted to know what I heard. I explained what had happened and said Donna was non-commital towards the situation.

Colleen was shaken. She had a sore throat, has been advising when Denise was not around and when I said Donna did not really say anything positive or negative (my lie), she was shaken. I wished I had not told her that.

Overall, when we were in site or hearing of others, Donna was super sweet – fake, but very loving. When we were alone, she pretended to be rather sweet, but actually lied repeatedly.

1/11/07

Today, Donna appeared exceptionally sweet and kind but said several things that were “unusual.” She said that as she typed, she felt more and more like Mary Ann every day. She repeated this a few times. When it came to students, she was overly nice. Kerry Greenwell was in my office and Donna was very, very nice . . . . hmm.

Donna also brought up Mary Ann’s name a few more times. She asked me if I still logged my calls and that no one called Mary Ann because they didn’t like her. She laughed and I had noticed that I have been receiving practically no phone calls . . . ??? I’ve been wondering about that. She said several times she felt more like Mary Ann every day – again.

Immediately after that meeting, I went to the break room to calm down. Michael Malizia was in there. I told him what Donna had told me – that she felt more and more like Mary Ann every day.

What scares me is that tomorrow is Friday and a three day weekend is approaching. Mary Ann would normally pull something really big on a Friday so I’d have all weekend to be upset. Donna asked if I was attending the lecture tonight and I said no – that mom was out with family. I later called Jeanne and said I was coming out of fear that I would be set up tonight. The last few days of being “sweet” mean something really bad is coming if she is following a similar pattern to Mary Ann.

So far, everything is being done when the door is closed. I need door stops to keep them open.


Afterthought: Is Donna trying to get rid of me so she can fill one job with Jeanne (a wish she has made in my presence often) and one with a “minority?” If so, a real BIG set-up may be in progress to fire or disgrace me quickly – David said he has a second interview next week. Vicky was dismayed to learn I knew she did not . . . before she even knew. Thanks, Donna!

011207

What a finale!

Stan called me back. I told him I had hurt Donna’s feelings and was experiencing some déjà vu. He agreed to talk to me on Tuesday.

Twenty minutes later, Stan called Terry asking for Donna.

I could barely concentrate. I felt like I had PTSD from Mary Ann – flashbacks, anxiety, the works.

Donna wanted to see me. I avoided her. Finally she came in to my office and shut the door to see if she could help me.

I decided nothing else was going to work – Stan had probably already spoken to her and no one would believe me. I told her about a blog I had written. She said she never read it. She looked away. I did not believe her. I apologized profusely.

Donna said this was part of the normal development of friendship – having problems and working through them. She asked me several times if it was deleted . . . completely gone? She said she did not want someone to email it to her one day.

Then she said the president was announcing more positions. She had been sworn to secrecy by the president but I wouldn’t tell, would I? No, I said. The email would come at 4:17 p.m. She said she had some things for me . . . not what I would think, though. She would tell me later.

The email came. The title of the position was the title Donna had told me about last year. She said she would be rising 3 grades. She would be supervising the person who supervised me.

Terry, Sandre, and Michelle were visibly upset. They were upset about getting a new Assistant Dean. They looked at me and Terry cried.

Why would Terry cry???

I met with David and Vicky. David felt like he didn’t have a choice to apply for the Asst. Dir. position. He didn’t really even want it because he was happy here.

I remembered Donna kept repeating Jackie Eden’s name this past week. Every time a student came in, she mentioned Jackie. In fact, she said Jackie had become a real (whispered) “Bitch.” Then she laughed.

I also remembered Donna saying a minority would be hired if David left. Of course, if Donna left, Jackie could fit that bill. Then Donna would finally get her dream: to give Jeanne a job.

In the meantime, no matter where I try to go, I would report to Donna. I predict my life is about to become excruciating and no one will see the harassment except me.

And the people who have pissed her off.

Like she said at the beginning of the week, we should all keep our resumes updated – always.

P.S. – I checked my UCF account at work yesterday because I didn’t know whether or not I still needed to call technical support. Tonight, I am trying to drop my class. It won’t accept my password.

Oh my God – last Fall, Donna said her code wasn’t working one day. I told her my passcode. She could break into the place and there’s nothing I can do about it.

(I did call Colleen this a.m. and get Scott's number. I left him a message. Something is going to happen, I just don't know what.)

I'm also sick because Donna borrowed my keys -- she thought one was like one Ken had at home ???

I'm also sick because I know about Data Mapping and Imaging . . . and destroying me won't keep it quiet. The facts are the facts. Maybe this is why the lion is growling, eh?